The Manager Roma Y.M.C.A. Hotel London May 20, 1996 Dear Signore Direttore, Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-young christian man at the your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to reception and tella: "I want a shit." They tella me: "Go to toilet." I say: "No, no, I wanta shit in my bed." The say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch." What is sonna-wa-bitch? I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egges and two pisis if toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss." She tella me: "Go to toilet." I say: "No, no, I wanta piss on my plate." Then she saya to me: "You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch." That is the second persone who do not even calla me "sonna-wa-bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet"? Is that a modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me! Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanta fock." And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fuck." I tella her: "No, no, you don't understanda me. I wanta fock on the table." She tella me: "So, you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fuck on the table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bed manner? So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the a-billa, the porter say to me: "Thank you, and piss on you." I say: Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy." Dirretore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.