The Manager 							Roma 
Y.M.C.A. Hotel  
London 								May 20, 1996

Dear Signore Direttore, 

Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. 
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-young christian 
man at the your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed. 
How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to reception and tella: 
"I want a shit." 
They tella me: 
"Go to toilet." 
I say: 
"No, no, I wanta shit in my bed." 
The say: 
"You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch." 
What is sonna-wa-bitch? 

I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egges and two pisis if toast. 
I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: 
"I wanta piss." 
She tella me: 
"Go to toilet." 
I say: 
"No, no, I wanta piss on my plate." 
Then she saya to me: 
"You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch." 
That is the second persone who do not even calla me "sonna-wa-bitch", 
and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet"? Is that a modern tella? 
I do not understand, please tella me! 

Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. 
I tella waitress: 
"I wanta fock." 
And she tella me: 
"Sure, everyone wanta fuck." 
I tella her: 
"No, no, you don't understanda me. I wanta fock on the table." 
She tella me: 
"So, you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fuck on the table? Get your ass out of here!" 
How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bed manner? 
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. 
When I have paid the a-billa, the porter say to me: 
"Thank you, and piss on you." 
I say: 
Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy." 
Dirretore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.